Christmas at My House
Mommy has Santa on Speed Dial
The month of December is well underway. There is something about this month that entices me to bend the rules a little bit; I am doing a lot less reading and a lot more scrolling, I am ordering takeout on a whim, I am letting my kids have more screen time. We have reached the finished line for 2022 and in that, I am tired. I am moving some unfinished 2022 goals to 2023 because there is not enough time in the day to be a parent and an individual at the same time. But here, we are gentle on ourselves, especially when it comes to parenting. So I’d like to tell you how I plan to get through the month of December at my house. Parenting during the holidays are made easy, by using three easy steps: bribery, lies, and threats.
Oh come on, at least for now, just for this month, just for a few short weeks. It’s so easy and we’ve worked so hard. As for me, I have reached my limit on effective communication, martyrdom, and emotional awareness. I want to get back to my roots. I want to be toxic. And if there’s anyone that’s going to help me with that, it’s Santa.
In this house we kneel at the helm of Santa. My kids love Santa and are kind-of scared of him at the same time. He has been working hard in the North Pole, keeping score throughout the year, to decide whether my kids have made the “good” list or the “naughty” list. My kids know Santa is always watching, his elves have invented the very technology that was later sold to Google in 2005 to launch Google Maps. Santa and Mommy are really close friends, and each time someone doesn't listen to Mommy, Santa is taking one gift off of the list.
I describe Santa in the same vein as I would describe aliens from outer space; his reindeer sled is powered by a meteor rock that enables him to travel around the world in 12 hours without the need to stop for gas. His reindeer have internal GPS radar and steer the sled, keeping track of all the houses that have made the “good” list. Santa’s red suit is made from impenetrable red fibers that allow him to smoothly and safely travel down the chimney and break entry into our house. He is the hardest working person alive, spending all year closely monitoring the behavior of children, and adding/removing gifts from XXL burl sack depending on it. Santa’s narrative has been built; Santa is alive, he is thriving, and if anyone tells my kids otherwise, trust me, you will be dealt with.
For whatever reason “Mommy says” doesn’t resonate as much to my kids as “Santa says.” So, when it comes to my parenting, I am using this to my advantage. My eldest son is now three years old. In other words, he is a grown *ss man. He is mature enough to hear the hard truth: Santa says you have to brush your teeth twice a day. Santa says you have to be nice to your brother. Santa says you can’t be eating so many snacks in lieu of real food.
What will Santa bring you for Christmas this year? The ball is in your court, son!
But the holidays should be a reason to lighten the load of parenting, in whatever form that means for you. The holidays are an inimitable season of mixed emotions; grief and joy, loneliness and contentment, dread and excitement. I want to take in these contradicting emotions as best as I can, and the only way I know how to do that is by giving some of my “gentle parenting” tactics a break. It is so much easier to be toxic, and if it’s one thing I’m going to embrace this season, it’s that.
Happy Holidays!
“I don’t care if they respect me so long as they fear me.”
Famous quote, by the one, the only, Santa Claus.
“The ball’s in your court son!” Dead ☠️