A new season is quickly trickling itself in. There’s a subtlety of hope in the crisp air and the yellowing of leaves. It’s a great time to go on walks because the onset of fall is when nature is having her moment. I believe a new season can make room for newness as a whole. I believe I am growing more with each passing season. Watching the seasons change confirms my belief in destiny. Sometimes our destiny puts us through stages of dormancy, like the way these trees will go into hibernation soon, only to come back refreshed and lush next year. I love to sit down and ruminate on the upcoming season. I love to think about how much more I can grow. Said differently, I want to catch a vibe this season. I want to seek new fulfillment, and uncover more of my desires.
The word “destiny” is one of my favorite words. I try to fit it into my daily vocabulary because I love it so much. All at once, by casually using the word “destiny,” I am lit up with hope, high expectations, fantasy, and motivation. The same way the anticipation of new seasons do. By using the word “destiny” I can see things with more of a “long lead” perspective which makes me more rational. The questions always boil down to: What will the new season bring? Will I like who I’ll end up becoming? Will my destiny pan out in my favor? Is it in my destiny to wake up at midnight and reach for the nutella in the pantry to ruminate on this further? Yes to all the above!
Is it in your destiny to undergo a necessary life change to rebuild and resurface who you’re really meant to be?
Time is personal and I take offense to the concept of it. But as it pertains to destiny, she couldn't care less. Nature is also determined in succumbing to the sequences of time. Nature and destiny don't care about time because things will eventually unfold the way things are supposed to. Nature and destiny are patient. They are trusting and find grounding in their principles. My therapist reminds me about the word “flexible” and I think it correlates to this concept of destiny. I don’t like putting time stamps on things, because it will lead me to feeling disappointed in myself. I want to have a better grip on the way my destiny unfolds but I think the whole point of destiny is to be flexible about it. I think we have to listen to the vibes and how you acknowledge them. I think that’s the bottom line.
There’s a slow but remarkable unfolding that is happening. Just like my anticipation of the yellowing of leaves, you have to pay attention to how you respond to things. Pay attention to your gut, and when you’re all of a sudden struck with distaste. I don’t like to dwell on whether or not I’m following the right path, as long as I’m listening to myself and challenging myself in the ways that are important to me, I know things will turn out fine. I’m no longer afraid to be a varied person, to be flexible with who I want to be today and how that’ll differ from who I’ll be tomorrow. It’s ok to feel hope towards the upcoming season. It’s ok when fear convinces you that you have to judge something, as long as you’re working on your self-awareness, as long as you eventually put work into what that need for judgement is trying to tell you.
But, unfortunately I think about destiny when I’m not in my right mind. Usually when I’m triggered and tired, defeated and guilted is when I’ll build false narratives around the word “destiny” and how I am likely not going down the right path. The vibes can be overwhelming because the vibes are everywhere and in everything all at once. I often trick myself into thinking I’m not good enough or smart enough. I often find myself overstimulated by the many different paths my life can take.
I cry a lot in therapy. It’s an observation I’ve made about myself over the years. I feel so wound up on most days and crying is the way my body releases. In therapy I get to pull the curtain on my daily performances. It’s a comfort to cry in the safe space of my therapist, and I look forward to it sometimes. She pushes me to understand what my tears are trying to say, forcing me to source the language that I wouldn't otherwise have without her. I think I cry because I have yet to find language for what I’m feeling, but as the years go by, my inner voice is growing stronger and stronger. My therapist is extremely annoying in the way she finds symbolism in everything. Her whole career revolves around challenging people and she’s a real b*tch for that sometimes. I am lucky to have her vibe and lay down on her couch every week. Her vibes? Pristine. Do we stan? Absolutely. My therapy vibes, albeit expensive, are always a 10 out of 10, consistently, week by week. Immaculate! Chef’s Kiss!
So, how do we know if we are on track to reaching our destiny? It’s simple, we have to pay attention to the vibes. The vibes? They’re everywhere, and it’s up to you on whether you will catch said vibe or not.
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For instructions on how to catch a vibe in order to fulfill your destiny, please see below:
Think outside the realms of gender. I have not reached peak femininity just because I’m a mother and my husband is peak alpha just because he provides for our family. Gender roles are the root causes for so much of our deficiencies. I have to remind myself that me and my spouse are living together raising our kids just trying to catch the vibes, just trying to grow and expand into better versions of ourselves. Things dont need labels, we are not meant to live within the constraints of them.
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Things don’t have to be foreign to you. When in doubt, just lean into it. Think about what youre resistant to, it may just be something that you’re drawn to. Sometimes you desire something that you’re jealous of, or poke fun at. It’s really courageous to keep an open mind, and you deserve to transform in any way you want to. We don’t have to be afraid of the unfamiliar. Underneath all that resistance can be where your real desires are found.
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When the vibes are immaculate, it’s ok to cry. I will always encourage tears. I love crying! Maybe the tears mean that you’re on your way to something, maybe you know yourself better than you thought. Maybe you’ll realize that listening to yourself was the answer all along. It’s profound to find clarity.
Fulfillment comes from the simple attempt at trying something new, and destiny will unfold within these attempts. I recently went back to old bobbie posts and instead of feeling a sudden wave of nausea and embarrassment, I felt satisfied. I look back at that tender and vulnerable woman, preparing for her second baby and all the fear that went along with that. Back then I was unafraid to put my vulnerability on the page and to ask the questions that some people are afraid to ask. I am proud of who I was then and how it’s molded me into who I am now. My attempts are sacred. My willingness to be curious is sacred. My reach to seek community is sacred. My growth is mine, and that’s the most sacred thing of all. It’s in my destiny to keep trying a lot of small things, and see how they land. The vibes are progressing. Will you catch it? Are you listening to them?
"I think I cry because I have yet to find language for what I’m feeling" WHEW